I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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