just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So apparently I’m into choking now
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