Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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