It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There r osticjed everywhere
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
