I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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