if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
