She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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