I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
