i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
