Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
