Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
