who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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