Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
