After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
