plz talk dirty to me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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