There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
