My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
