i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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