It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
