It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
