The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
