i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
