This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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