I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
