This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
