I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
