Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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