Screwed.edu
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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