In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
