dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
