remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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