alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
