the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
