So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Holy shit dude........stairs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
