We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
