you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
