Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
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I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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