I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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