All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
