You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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