Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you traded sex for a burrito?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize