I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
