I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
