i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
