My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
