Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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