Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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