remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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