Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
