I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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