If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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