Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
