SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
