This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
