My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
