i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
