I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
