I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
