Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and she was petting her beer can
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
