He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
