I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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