Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
