I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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