and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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