made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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