some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
