God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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