Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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