Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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