hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
