There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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