Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
