he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
