it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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