if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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