You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
