gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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