there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
