when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
