just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
