Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
