My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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