fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
