onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
