Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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