Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have fence marks all over my body
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
