this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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